frequently asked questions (and unasked ones too)

"what are you like as a therapist?"

we are in the car together embarking on a road trip. we'll travel together, one of us driving the car while the other wrestles with the map. i'm more of a map guy myself so i tend to follow your lead, letting you decide which destination is next (what are your therapy goals?) and what route we'll take to get there (the topics we explore together and meaning we make). we're sure of where we're headed but, cmon, we've all seen this scenario play out. there will be wrong turns, flat tires, fallen rocks, detours, split second spur of the moment pulling over to look at a roadside attraction. sometimes you're tired, too tired to drive, and while i'm trying to be attentive i might miss some signs of your fatigue. it will mean a lot to me that you share that feeling of needing more direction in the session; in fact, it's integral to the work i do that you trust you can voice concerns To Me, even/especially if they are About Me. i'll do the same for you.

learn more about how i do therapy

"i'm hoping to avoid the experience of recognizing that my therapist is at the table next to me/in a discord server with my friend/slutting it up at the dungeon i want to go to. how do we do that?"

short answer: this experience is statistically inevitable. if this potential for us to be in what's called "dual relationships" is a cause for concern for you we'll make a plan and agree on best practices for sightings out in the wild.

longer answer: i will not engage you if i see you; you are welcome to engage or not. if we are already interacting, i'll keep being me and you'll keep being you and i won't disclose our therapeutic relationship; you are welcome to if you wish. i'll be following your lead :) when we have had a sighting, i'd like to make time to explore what it felt like to see each other outside of the therapy space.

"i heard something about you and your past that i find objectionable. how can you be a therapist when you've done bad things?"

one of the first concrete understandings i had about the idea of therapy is that they let anyone do this job. i hope this doesn't sound too glib! i'm a person, not a platonic ideal, and i believe recognizing my failures and foibles makes me a better therapist. i'm also not ever going to be perfect, not always going to agree that something i did was wrong, and i'm unwilling to keep trying to perform the dance of purity culture/cancel culture/punitive logic. shit's complicated. no hard feelings if you don't like me!

xxx

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